Making Marriage Work, Part 1

By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

(This is part 1 of a 5-part series on making marriage work)



It was Joan’s first counseling session with me, but it didn’t take long before the tears began to stream down her cheeks. “I’m married to the man of my dreams, but I’m miserable,” she said, reaching a hand up to wipe away her tears. “We were so in love and now things are falling apart. We are fighting and distant much of the time. I love Justin and I don’t want to lose him, but I don’t know what to do. I don’t know why this is happening. I seem to be getting angrier and angrier and he is getting more and more distant.”



“What are you angry about?” I inquired.



“Justin keeps pulling away from me. He’s working longer and longer hours. But even on the weekends when he is home, he just seems to be distant. He’s either watching TV, playing computer games, or in the garage working in his workshop. When I try to talk with him about it, he shuts down even more. We can’t talk at all anymore.”



Like Joan and Justin, many couples are stuck in a dysfunctional relationship system, wondering what happened to the love and passion they had at the beginning of their relationship.



Two major fears may be undermining your relationship with your partner:



Fear of rejection: the loss of another’s love through anger, judgment, emotional withdrawal, physical withdrawal, or death.



Fear of engulfment: the loss of self through being controlled, consumed, invaded, suffocated, dominated, and swallowed up by another’s demands.



Until these fears are healed, you will likely react defensively whenever they are triggered. Joan reacted by getting angry when her fears of rejection were activated, while Justin withdrew when his fears of engulfment were triggered. You might react in different defensive ways, but the result will be the same - your reactive behavior coming from your fears of rejection or engulfment will trigger your partner’s fears of rejection or engulfment. Now both of you are acting out of fear. Together you have created an unsafe space where love and intimacy will gradually erode.



Most of us have not learned to stay open when our fears of being rejected, abandoned, engulfed, or controlled are triggered. If, when these fears are activated, you focus on who is at fault or who started it, you perpetuate the problems. Blaming your partner for your fears, as well as for your own reactive, unloving behavior, makes the relationship feel unsafe.



You both end up feeling badly, each believing that your pain is the result of your partner’s behavior. You feel victimized, helpless, stuck, and disconnected from your partner. You desperately want your partner to see what he or she is doing that (you think) is causing your pain. You think that if your partner only understands this, he or she will change - and you exhaust yourself trying to figure out how to MAKE your partner understand.



Over time, passion dries up. Superficiality, boredom, fighting, and apathy take its place.



The dual fears of LOSING THE OTHER through rejection and LOSING YOURSELF through being swallowed up by the other are the underlying cause of unloving, reactive behavior. These fears are deeply rooted. They cannot be healed or overcome by GETTING someone else’s love. On the contrary, you must heal these fears before you can SHARE love - give and receive love - with your partner.



The key to doing this is learning how to create a safe inner space where you can work with and overcome your fears of rejection and engulfment. In this series, I will show you a powerful six-step process you can use to create and maintain the inner safety you need to become strong enough to love.



Only when you have achieved inner safety and inner strength can you create a safe relationship space. Joan gradually learned to stop attacking Justin and take loving care of herself whenever her fears of rejection surfaced. She learned to create inner safety when she felt threatened rather than trying to get Justin to make her feel safe from her fears.



You can do this too. In fact, any two people who are willing to learn to create their own inner sense of safety can also learn to create a safe relationship space where their intimacy and passion will flourish and their love will endure. The rest of the articles in this series will lead you through this six-step healing process.



About the Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. best-selling author of eight books, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com.



Source: www.isnare.com

Article Posted by Foras Aje of Bodyhealthsoul.com. Discover proven methods of Christian Marriage Counseling tips for success today at http://www.bodyhealthsoul.com/marriage.html

The responsibility of your use of any suggestions or procedures lies not with the author, publisher or any other party affiliated with this program. This information is not intended as professional advice.

Just How Important is Love in a Marriage?

Very much so.

Everybody wants to love and be loved in return. Falling in love is one of the best feelings ever to feel by an individual. When in love, a person has all the reasons to smile and be happy.

But sometime love is misunderstood. Most people think that love is merely an emotion. That it is something that you feel. Yes love gives you an emotion but you can not feel it. In marriage, it something that fades when time passes by.

Love must be a commitment. Most marriages failed because one of the couple falls in love to someone else. This is because of what people call the “feelings” and lust. The feelings will always change.

So in order to keep love active in one's marriage here are some things to consider:
1. Keep the lines of communication between you and your spouse open.
2. Remain presentable and make efforts to maintain a physical upkeep to remain attractive to your spouse.
3. Set aside times for romantic getaways...just for the both of you.
4. Actually, create times and situations to be apart...to create the need to miss each other....
5. If religiously inclined, pray together.
6. Of course, good old sex as given us by God is a great tool to rekindle, revive and retain healthy love in a relationship: so use it.

Here's to happier couples...

The responsibility of your use of any suggestions or procedures lies not with the author, publisher or any other party affiliated with this program. This information is not intended as professional advice.

Article Posted by Foras Aje of Bodyhealthsoul.com. Discover proven methods of Christian Marriage Counseling tips for success today at http://www.bodyhealthsoul.com/marriage.html

Simple Steps Can Create A Solid Marriage

By JM Jackson

Issues that arise in marriages can be very complicated. Few issues are simple.



There are, however some very simple ways to keep your relationship positive and help you work your way through a lot of difficult situations.



Use these 7 tips to help you continue to nurture a positive relationship.



1. If you want your marriage healthy and positive, you have to really want to keep it that way. You have to decide that the marriage is important in your life and give it the time and attention it needs. Ask yourself daily, “Am I spending enough time and energy on the relationship?”



2. Focus on what you like and love about your spouse. Forget the negatives. We truly do get more of what we focus on. If you are having problems, begin focusing on the positive in your relationship and not the negative.



Most importantly, stop when you start to criticize your spouse. Turn your thinking to what you like about them and begin to see how your marriage gets better.



3. Kindness matters in marriages. Be kind. Very often, people in relationships treat the people closest to them worse than they treat acquaintances or even total strangers.



Go the extra step first. This week, do something kind for your spouse that you wouldn't normally do and without expectation of anything in return.



4. Show appreciation for your spouse. Make a habit of expressing appreciation. If you do, you'll find your marriage to be filled with much more happiness and joy. It might be something as simple as "I like your smile" or "Thank you for cooking dinner last night."



5. Ask for what you want. Most people expect the people who are in relationship with them to be mind readers. If you're expecting others to be psychics, you're in for a painful ride if you're in relationship with them. If you want your needs to be met, you have to tell people what these needs are.



6. Listen without judging or getting defensive. Be open to the possibility that someone else's opinion or way of doing things may be just as valid or important as yours.



Just because their way is different, doesn't make them or you wrong. If you're constantly judging, being defensive and building walls, you're not open to possibilities and to the love that is possible between two people.



7. Be willing to risk opening your heart and letting your spouse in. We can be in a relationship for many years and still not allow another person to penetrate our walls of protection. If you want to have a marriage that is alive and growing, being willing to risk is a prerequisite.



While these steps will not solve every issue they do lay the groundwork for a strong and healthy relationship.



About the Author: JM Jackson is a relationship and marriage couselor in California. For more information see her website at Stop Your Divorce and Save Your Marriage.



Source: www.isnare.com



The responsibility of your use of any suggestions or procedures lies not with the author, publisher or any other party affiliated with this program. This information is not intended as professional advice.

Article Posted by Bodyhealthsoul.com. Discover proven methods of Christian Marriage Counseling tips for success today at http://www.bodyhealthsoul.com/marriage.html

Keeping Your Marriage And Its Blanket Of Love

By Rene Graeber

There is no secret to a perfect marriage. If marriage could give you a glimpse of heaven, it could give you as much of hell. There is even a famous saying where the perfect marriage can only be found between a deaf and a blind couple, because the deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of his wife, while the blind wife cannot see the shortcomings of her husband.



Of course, there are also those couples who are lucky enough to be soul mates. Being truly and deeply in love with each other is more than what most people could ask for in a relationship. But even love is not enough to sustain a relationship. There are other factors that come into play.



Why then do people get married? Is it to have a family? Is it to have someone to grow old with? Is it for wealth and security? All of these count, but there’s a bigger reason. Marriage is when you give so much of yourself and yet, you feel whole.



Something as special as marriage should be nurtured forever. So what do couples need to keep it? Trust, love, respect, compassion, and patience are all important. But even the best marriages can run into trouble. This is because couples tend to take the simplest things for granted. Would you like to know some of these things? Then read on.



Proven tips for a happy marriage:



Point 1: Be independent.



Just because you marry, it doesn’t mean you must embrace everything about your partner. Sometimes, you forget about how different you two are because you’ve been together for so long. Don’t lose your uniqueness because it’s the same thing that attracted both you and your partner in the first place. Try to take on different interests and encourage your partner to do so too.



Point 2: Never be angry at the same time.



When you’re angry, you hear nothing else and you don’t care about anything else. If you find that both you and your partner are angry, try to have some space. Calm down. Then talk. Be sensitive to each other’s ups and downs. Talk through the problem and hear each other out. Abandon the whole world rather than each other. And never go to sleep without settling the argument. Most importantly, never yell at each other unless the house is on fire.



Point 3: If you have to disagree, do it lovingly.



There will be lots of times when you and your spouse won’t agree at all in some aspects. Don’t make your point sound like a criticism to your partner. It doesn’t matter who is wrong or right. Always bear in mind that an argument doesn’t need a winner or a loser.



Point 4: Never bring up mistakes of the past.



Whenever something goes wrong, do not rub past issues in. Don’t dwell over the past such that you become blind with the wonderful things ahead of your relationship.



Point 5: At least once every day, try to say one thoughtful or complimentary thing to your partner.



When a couple always spends time with each other, they often forget about courtesy. “Take the trash out. Do the laundry.” Isn’t there something missing in those phrases? Perhaps putting “Please” before each sentence would make it sound so much better. Never take each other for granted.



Showing constantly that you both like each other will help keep your relationship fresh. Even something as simple as complementing on your spouse’s looks or buying little unexpected gifts can help. Look for the things that would make your partner feel appreciated.



How do you live by the guidelines stated earlier? Lower your pride. But don’t get me wrong. Pride is a good thing. It keeps your head high in public. It's not a bad thing to have pride in someone or something. But in private, when you're with your partner, keep the pride level down; because it becomes a wall your partner would have to overcome.



About the Author: How to Easily Transform a Miserable, Lifeless Marriage Relationship into One Filled With Love, Happiness, and Excitement - Just Visit: http://www.marriage-problems-advice-help.info



Source: www.isnare.com


The responsibility of your use of any suggestions or procedures lies not with the author, publisher or any other party affiliated with this program. This information is not intended as professional advice.

Article Posted by Bodyhealthsoul.com. Discover proven methods of Christian Marriage Counseling tips for success today at http://www.bodyhealthsoul.com/marriage.html

Emotional Infidelity: A Key Tactic To Save The Marriage

By Dr. Robert Huizenga

Hearing that your cheating spouse is “in love” with someone else is devastating. I hear often, “I can handle her having sex with someone else. I think I can live with that. But, for her to give herself emotionally and “love” someone else…man, that is hard.” (Feel free to substitute the word he for she in this article.)



What can you specifically do to increase the odds of saving the marriage?



So often the offended spouse reacts with intense feelings and pulls out all stops to “win her back.”



He applies pressure. Begs. Cajoles. Makes promises. Gets in her face. Sends flowers. Arranges for dates. Talks to her family and friends. Calls her on the phone. Asks questions… daily, sometimes hourly. He is on her like a fly on doo-doo.



It doesn’t work.Why? Well, for one reason she has found all the stimulation and excitement she supposedly needs in her new found “love.”



At a deeper level this is confusing enough for the cheating husband or cheating wife. Any additional input will be overwhelming and she is liable to close the door on the marriage even further. Plus, she is really looking for some stability, some solid centered core that will hold her firm when the wind of drama entices her and blows around her.



If you bombard her with your neediness, you are certainly not the person who can help her in ways she really seeks.



She also is liable to create a polarity and begin comparing you to him. With your neediness dripping all over you, you don’t stand a very good chance of coming out on top. Sorry!



Here’s a tactic that helps solve the dilemma and gives you a greater chance of saving the marriage.It’s called “back off!”



Stop pressing. Slow down the pace. Be silent – most of the time. Stop making requests. Stop asking questions. Stop trying to wiggle out some assurance. Stop being a pain!



Remember, this “in love” state will fade. You need to have the confidence that it will. You need patience. The relationship will run its course.



She needs the space. She needs some quiet moments to truly hear herself and face the emptiness within. There will be a voice within her that says, “This will not last. Is this what I really want? At some time I must live in the real world. Where is this taking me? Is this where I really want to go? Why am I so dependent on him? Why do I feel this empty pit in my stomach when I’m not with him? What does this say about me?”



This is her opportunity to learn about TRUE love. Don’t get in her way.



I know. I know. This is easier said than done. But, you must do it. It is vitally important that you learn to quiet yourself, control yourself and keep on the straight and narrow path.



At this point with those I coach, I teach them a skill called "charging neutral" to help "back off." Use that skill.This will take some effort. It might take some coaching or therapy. It most likely will demand that you get to know yourself better, that you gain more confidence in you – apart from what she does with him – that you build a strong foundation under yourself that can weather any storm.



This is your opportunity to grow to another level.



Oh, by the way. She will notice! And….she might like it.



Backing off does not mean that you don’t have anything to do with her. Quite the contrary. You want to maintain your contact with her, but it will be QUALITY contact. It will be contact that does honor to you, confronts her with the reality of her decisions and works toward resolution for the marriage.



Summary: Less often means more when facing emotional infidelity. Learning a specific skill such as "backing off" enhances one's chance to save the marriage.



About the Author: Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity. Visit his website at: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com




Source: www.isnare.com


The responsibility of your use of any suggestions or procedures lies not with the author, publisher or any other party affiliated with this program. This information is not intended as medical advice.

Article Posted by Bodyhealthsoul.com. Discover proven methods of Christian Marriage Counseling tips for success today at http://www.bodyhealthsoul.com/marriage.html

Keeping A Marriage Romantic

By Alan Detwiler

Romantic relationships happen because of the hopes and dreams a couple has for a happy life together. The relationship will continue to be pleasant and rewarding as long as the hopes and dreams are kept alive by staying concerned with what is good about the relationship.



This article suggests ways for staying aware of what makes your romantic relationship worthwhile.



Don't Expect Too Much --



Don't expect a perfect relationship. That happens only in fairy tales. If you expect everything to be wonderful, it makes your relationship less valuable by comparison. Problems will occur. You will get hurt. Being too concerned with the problems will stop you from paying attention to what is good in the relationship.



Romance and love will more likely happen if you allow them to happen instead of making them a goal. If love is the goal, you will compare how the relationship is now to what you think it should be. You will be continually disappointed. Making the relationship better should be the goal. Pay attention to treating each other fairly and helping each other. If love happens, it will be based on believing that both of you can continue to build a good relationship.



Your attitude should signal the other person that you will try to patiently work through each other's shortcomings. It won't be easy. Being tolerant and non-condemning is a challenge. But consciously making an effort to be tolerant goes a long way.



Build Upon What Is Good --



Find activities that you both like and do them together. These can be activities such as gardening, cooking, hobbies, conversation, recreation, an interest in art, charity volunteering, and family activities. Having interests that are shared, keeps a couple involved in each other's lives.



Share ideas to find ways to more enjoy living. Tell your sweetheart about strategies you use for such things as achieving goals and enjoying yourself. Tell each other about what you think is interesting, what is worthwhile, and what is encouraging. If you share positive ideas, you will think of each other as pleasant and enjoyable.



Encourage your partner to act and make decisions. Both of you will be able to accomplish more with the other's support and encouragement. When there is a disagreement, be patient. If you need to criticize, offer a positive alternative rather than a condemnation. Your encouragement likely will produce more good results than will your objections.


The good things in life are much more important than the disappointments. Reward yourself for the good in what you are doing and take some time to do what you enjoy.



~~~~~

Alan Detwiler is the author of the ebook Date Ideas: Fun Things To Do For Couples available at www.Amazon.com. He has a web site with a section about fun things to do for couples at

www.leisureideas.com/date ideas.htm.

Source: www.isnare.com

Article Posted by Bodyhealthsoul.com. Discover proven methods of Christian Marriage Counseling tips for success today at http://www.bodyhealthsoul.com/marriage.html

Confide For Less Anger In Your Marriage

By Dr Tony Fiore

Jose and Juanita have been married for 17 years, and basically love each other, yet have been fighting over the same issue almost every night of those years: She likes it cold at night and he likes it warm in their house and bedroom. She had just opened their bedroom windows for the night. When she left to visit the bathroom, she heard Jose follow her and close all the windows.



Let’s eavesdrop to see what we can learn about this fight and what to do about it.



—(curtain up)—

Juanita: (to Jose) "I can’t sleep unless the windows are wide open. You know that, but insist on closing them every night, just so I’ll be miserable. You are selfish and inconsiderate."



Jose: (to Juanita):"This is my house too. Why should I have to freeze? You always get your way. It is so cold in here you could hang meat! Are you trying to get me sick? No NORMAL person would want it this cold!"

(curtain down)



IS THIS A SOLVABLE PROBLEM?

Depends on the specific marriage. For some couples, the solution would be a simple compromise of some sort; for instance, buy a room thermometer and agree to always keep the room at an agreed upon temperature both could live with.



In many marriages, however, a problem like this is not easily solved—it becomes “perpetual”—and trying to “solve” it only creates anger and tension. For Jose and Juanita, this unfortunately was the case.



Why is a simple problem like this not solvable for our couple and in many other marriages? Could be many reasons, but the usual culprits are:



(1) The couple is engaged in a “power” or “control” struggle. This means the fight isn’t about the issue anymore—it is about who will win or lose.



(2) The temperature issue goes deeper and is emotionally tied into other personal or marital issues. If this is the case, the more pressure put on the person to “change,” the more the person resists.



For instance, turns out that Juanita literally panics if in a room without air flow due to issues in her childhood. Depriving her of fresh air flow literally makes her want to fight for her life.



CONFIDING MAKES THE DIFFERENCE

Let’s now listen in on what Jose and Juanita could have said that may have made a HUGE difference in their communication.

This is because now they are speaking from their hearts —combining empathy (seeing things from the viewpoint of the other) with assertive communication (honestly speaking your feelings and thoughts in a forthright manner)



Juanita (should have said something like):"I feel that I don’t have to put up with this, although I also feel bad that you have to suffer. I tell myself that if you really loved me, you would want me to be comfortable at night.

I also ask myself why should I always give in? I work hard all day too and deserve some consideration. All I’m asking for is a decent night’s sleep, but then, I wonder if I am being too selfish."



Jose (should have said something like):"I do really love you and I want you to be comfortable too, but it gets so cold in here at night for me that I can’t sleep.

We both want a good night’s sleep and want to be able to continue sleeping together in the same room. Let’s find a way to discuss it so it doesn’t make us so angry at each other."



Granted, it is not easy to confide when in the heat of marital battle. Consequently, it is often better to first take a time out, calm down and then communicate what is in your heart. The following communication tips will help:



FOUR COMMUNICATION TIPS



Tip 1- Don’t only focus on the issue. Also discuss your feelings, thoughts, and inner conflicts surrounding the issue. Confide what is going on in both your heart and your mind.



Tip 2- Look at how you communicate with each other ABOUT the issue. Focus on the process of communication.



Tip 3- Give up needing to be right all the time. Wise and successful married people have discovered that often it is preferable to be happy than to be right!



Tip 4- Convey to your partner that you love them enough to want to join them so together you can find a way to deal with the issue or problem.



About the Author: Dr Tony Fiore is a licensed psychologist and anger management trainer. His company, The Anger Coach provides classes, products and resources for adults, couples,the workplace, and professionals. He can be reached at 714-771-0378.



Source: www.isnare.com

Article Posted by Bodyhealthsoul.com. Discover proven methods of Christian Marriage Counseling tips for success today at http://www.bodyhealthsoul.com/marriage.html

Marriage And Sexual Relation

By Sadashivan Nair

Marriage is a social arrangement to allow woman and man to live together; a social acceptance and conformity to maintain sexual relation for reproduction. Social purpose of marriage is to regulate sexual relation between man and woman. This system of sexual behavior differentiates human from other species, builds sexual connection more respectable and meaningful to maintain discipline in the society. Each society has different systems of marriage in relation to its culture, yet, the objective of all is to recognize sexual conduct of partners living together. Sexual activity is the foundation of marriage and fulfillment is the tool for constant relation. Sexual craving is the attraction that drags to togetherness. Under the social system of marriage, couples achieve identity and highest respect in the society that protects their relation.



For nature sexual activity may be procreation but for human it is sexual craving, leads to seek partner for the fulfillment and marriage is the social solution. Society disallows sexual relation before marriage or extra marital affairs, reason behind this if approved there would be no difference between human and other species. Human too would act as animals for seeking partner. For animals may not be dangerous as their sexual periods are in long intervals, on the other hand human have short and frequent could lead to violent atmosphere. Social interference is to arrest such unwanted activities to store rights and peace.



Marriage is portrayed as religious and fortunate that people wait anxiously for this moment to enter married life. Celebrations and custom rituals signify the identity of being Wife / Husband and togetherness. Real life begins for both individuals when they need to share personality and sensual feelings. Sex rules in the beginning of married life for openness and understanding each other. Sex is the instrument that connects both to represent as one to make family, family becomes a fraction of the society. Sexual contentment is essential for first stage to retain married life intact. After some times of marriage sexual desire becomes part of normal routine. First stage of married life is sensitive; each partner’s endeavor is to influence own approach to create self environment in the home. This is psychological war to create own dominance, weaker one has to surrender. Man surrenders when he is economically, physically and emotionally weak. Women are more sensible, understand social pressure on women as each religion prescribes women’s role as submissive. Also as I feel man is not as keen as woman to bind self in the family. It is woman’s attempt; man sticks in the family. Woman’s desire of own family is for protection/security of own and children. Woman needs freedom but with protection and security, to an adult woman her own family is her security. Keeping “family” in the mind she sacrifices the dominance. Without woman there is no family so woman is the pillar of the family structure. In modern world woman’s rights have awakened her to educate self and economic independence. Has revolutionized the social thinking about woman, she is now more independent and self esteemed resulted many changes of married life. Both men and women have to compromise for stable family. Old system of marriage is not practical any more, both man and woman need to be familiar with each other before marriage, so can understand the personality and history can help to advance. Solutions become easier to rectify weaker points in order to consecrate family value.



• Sincerity of both the partners builds confidence in them to last relation.

• In many a cases disappointment takes place when desire exists for unreachable in any form. "Adore what you have and what is within reach".

• Sincerity of both the partners builds confidence in them to last relation.

• Sexual satisfaction is enticement to keep relation so not to hesitate. Satisfy partner in whatever painless/ non hurting manner.

• Many marital disputes are due to past sexual relations that are kept secret. When exposed becomes matter of life and death. Revelation in the beginning avoids misunderstanding.

• Compromising own ego for positive reasons builds smoothness.





Second stage of marriage is the outcome of sexual activities; a birth of new member of the family. New member draws all the attentions of family life and first stage of life becomes memories. Wife and Husband experience own image in the child that incites them to care more than self. Child’s biological appearance attracts adults to submit selves for compassion towards child is the natural instinct for safe growth. Responsibility towards growth of the new born becomes important activity. Woman’s sexual interest weakens for limited period, is natural law to pay attention for best breast feeding. Women can not avoid breast feeding as pressure builds up in breast that has to be released, relief she gets from release is pleasure for her. This natural law is to feed the child perfectly. As a father becomes more responsible towards family and child so involves more into the family affairs. His submission to the situation is to protect child from any unwanted troublesome. Second stage defines father as protector and mother as producer of future generation of own identity. Sexual activity becomes second to child’s growth, especially woman who works heavily for child’s growth. However, sexual desire is such a greed that never eliminates until reaches unsuitable age, is to add members in the family. So the second stage of marriage is giving birth and taking care of family to grow. Contribution of their role steps further towards more members and their health. Woman’s role is important as she needs to care children and diverts her attention from husband to child and house but if she goes to office her life becomes chaotic. Overburdened lady weakens her health and sexual desire, irritation and depression builds up due to weakness and intense involvement. Man on the other hand finds self in little anxiety as the approach/response is not as before. More necessities and demands of family load him if he is economically weak. On the whole life of both wife and husband is not as easy as before. The egoism and self-esteem overpowers them when feel hurt, leads to arguments. An argument is the first stage of worsening family. In a good family both realize the situation and accommodate for smooth run. Normally, this situation prompts to find ways to criticize each other makes uneasy life. The test of constructive married life begins; most educated and able people succeed this test to step towards third stage of married life, on the other hand uneducated or self-centered people face this situation as hard test and many of them fail. Those fail break up and search for new beginning or search for extra affair. Good and bad relation of wife and husband influences children too as they experience by observing. The relation becomes doubtful to them mom and pop becomes less relevant especially during puberty. This is what we observe in divorced or violent families, children too become violent and depressed. Second stage is also very difficult for egoistical issue-less couple, feeling of partner as burden or loneliness drives to extra marital affairs.



• Remember best moment enjoyed with the partner is positive signal of attraction to prolong relation.

• Anger infuriates; is fire only cool approach can extinguish.

• Extra marital life is curse to married life.

• There is no one else to come to assist if brought would worsen further. So wife and husband together need to console each other and prepare for next challenge.

• There is no house where difference of opinions are not there but adjusting, accommodating and making understand the good and bad part will help. Avoid arguments as escalates situation and never helps. Patience is water to fire.

• Sexual activities are best jokes, games, attraction, consolation, affection, rejuvenation, temporary medication from depression and etc. So of use this gifted source prepares for next challenge.

• Birth of child conveys purpose of the family so don’t delay. Child bring purpose to live. Adoption of child too serves purpose for issue-less family. Loneliness is curse can drive to wrong situation; business and involvement in daily affairs can evade this situation.



LINK to this article:

http://www.sadashivan.com/carnalattraction/id17.html



About the Author: Carnal Attraction is sense of temptation, becomes one of essential activities of life when reaching suitable period.Sexual behavior is natural instinct to seek gratification, gifted to us by nature.



Source: www.isnare.com

Article Posted by Bodyhealthsoul.com. Discover proven methods of Christian Marriage Counseling tips for success today at http://www.bodyhealthsoul.com/marriage.html

Marriage Counseling -- Are You A Workaholic?

By Barbara Bartlein

Justin, a thirty-five year old executive at a high-pressure investment firm works 60-70 hours per week. Even on vacation, he often slips away from the rest of the family to go on-line, check messages and answer phone calls. Until recently, he saw nothing abnormal about his behavior; in fact, everyone at his job works like that.



In the United States, we value work. Americans labor longer hours than workers in any other industrialized nation. In fact, in Western Europe, Americans are viewed as a “nation of workaholics.”



According to a 1998 study by the Families and Work Institute in New York, the average American now works 44 hours of work per week, which represents an increase of 3.5 hours since 1977. This is far more than the workers in France (39 hours per week) and Germany (40). According to a new report from the United Nations International Labor Organization (ILO), “Workers in the United States are putting in more hours than anyone else in the industrialized world.”



The ILO statistics show that in 2000, the average American worked almost one more week of work than the year before; working an average of 1,978 hours – up from 1,942 hours in 1990. Americans now work longer hours than Canadian, Japanese, or Australian workers.



What are we working for? It’s not vacations. The typical American worker has an average of two weeks of vacation as compared to four - six weeks for their European counterparts.



For happiness? According to regular surveys by the National Opinion Research Center of the University of Chicago, no more Americans report they are “very happy” now than in 1957, despite near doubling in personal consumption expenditures. Indeed, the world’s people have consumed as many goods and services since 1950 as all previous generations put together, yet report that they are not any happier.



There are many costs in working so hard. People tend to cut back on sleep and time with their families. A recent survey found that almost a third of people working more than 48 hours a week said that exhaustion was affecting married life. Nearly a third admitted that work-related tiredness was causing their sex life to suffer, and 14% reported a loss of or reduced sex drive. They also complained that long hours and overwork led to arguments and tensions at home. Two out of five people working more than 48 hours a week blamed long hours for disagreements and said they felt guilty at not pulling their weight with domestic chores.



So how do you know if your job has turned into workaholic habits? Here are some of the warning signs:



* Your home is organized just like another office.



* Colleagues describe you as hard working, needing to win, and overly committed.



* You keep “technology tethers” like cell phones, pagers and laptops with you all times, even on vacations.



* Friends either don’t call anymore, or you quickly get off the phone when they do call.



* Sleep seems like a waste of time.



* Work problems circle in your mind, even during time off.



* Work makes you happier than any other aspect of your life.



* People who love you complain about the hours you work and beg you to take some time off.



If you experience some of these warning signs on a regular basis, it may be time to

re-evaluate how you are handling work in your life. A healthy marriage takes time and commitment. Don't be so busy making a living that you forget to make a life.



About the Author: FOR MORE TIPS TO IMPROVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP, VISIT: http://www.101marriagecounseling.com
FREE E-MAIL NEWSLETTER: sign up at http://www.whydidimarryyouanyway.com Barbara Bartlein, RN, MSW, is the People Pro and a relationship expert. A clinical psychotherapist, she has worked with couples for over twenty five years. She is the author of "Why Did I Marry You Anyway? 12.5 Strategies for a Happy Marriage," which received a five star rating on Amazon. She can be reached at barb@thepeoplepro.com or visit her website at http://www.ThePeoplePro.com



Source: www.isnare.com

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